i lost it

I know it will be pretty boring to read, but this is exactly what I felt like. On Sunday all day, I thought I lost it. I thought I couldnt do this any more. Getting into this I was well aware that it would be an uphill battle to do this solo, not to even expect anything in return. I thought I was prepared for all the ups and downs. But when the downs hit, they are vastly larger than expected and infinitely difficult to deal with.

Now I wish it started off slightly differently. I wish I had promised myself that I could at least ask for things that I know I will never get.. only the rights to ask, nothing more

Every waking moment, the anxiety grills my body, my soul
Let me break free, i can only plead
Let me stay, I desire more
...Stay? Only to leave on a future date
For I know the angel doesn't have me in her life either way