be mean

One of my clients asserted that you'll have to be mean to girls to make them like you. An interesting point. I might actually have heard of that somewhere else sometime before. But now I can associate that thought to someone special, instantly I realize how feeble I am to live out this proposition.

Not that I am terribly nice. And I can totally be mean to the girls I don't like with my whole heart. But in a million years, I mean, not in a million years will I be mean to the girl I like. I could afford to lose a million times and will not change the way I am.

As my mom told me once, you gotta treat your woman right

i lost it

I know it will be pretty boring to read, but this is exactly what I felt like. On Sunday all day, I thought I lost it. I thought I couldnt do this any more. Getting into this I was well aware that it would be an uphill battle to do this solo, not to even expect anything in return. I thought I was prepared for all the ups and downs. But when the downs hit, they are vastly larger than expected and infinitely difficult to deal with.

Now I wish it started off slightly differently. I wish I had promised myself that I could at least ask for things that I know I will never get.. only the rights to ask, nothing more

Every waking moment, the anxiety grills my body, my soul
Let me break free, i can only plead
Let me stay, I desire more
...Stay? Only to leave on a future date
For I know the angel doesn't have me in her life either way